From The Daily Dialogue
From The Daily Dialogue
Broadcast of 11/11/98
Subject: [DailyDialogue #309] Dominance
"There is perhaps no end to the list of types of counterbalancing reciprocal functioning that occur in relationships: High energy people often marry low energy people, 'cyclic' people often marry 'steady' people, and people who are calm on the surface often marry flamboyant people. Most relationships are mixtures of numerous patterns of reciprocal functioning. However when all the patterns in a particular relationship are added together, one individual's thinking and way of being tend to pervade and influence the relationship more than the other's. … In relationships where people have emotional significance to one another, males and females assume the dominant position with equal frequency. The one in the dominant position is usually there by mutual agreement--the product of the emotional fit of a relationship. It is important to keep in mind that appearances can be quite deceiving in regards to dominance. The one who appears to be 'dominant' may be making decisions based on perceptions of what the seemingly 'subordinate' one wants."
Michael E. Kerr & Murray Bowen, Family Evaluation
In our relationship we seem to trade the dominant role back and forth. Eddy loves to plan and she leads the schedule of our calendar and our social schedule. I like to putter in the yard and around the house, and I am in charge of home and yard maintenance. Emotionally speaking, Eddy is routinely cheerful and positive, while I have more emotional variability.
Overall, it's probably Eddy who is somewhat dominant in our partnership. We have implicitly agreed that she is best suited for this role and it usually works out pretty well.
In situations when it doesn't work so well, it's usually a sign that too much stress and anxiety is throwing the system out of whack. It could also be a sign that the assigned roles are being held too rigidly and that one or both partners want to grow and expand their roles.
Experiment: Dialogue with your partner about how your roles complement each other and your comfort with your roles.
Affirmation: The universe has brought us together for the purpose of nourishing our spiritual growth.
The Daily Dialogue is published each day of 1998 by e-mail. Copyright 1998, Eddy Brame and Marty Crouch, All rights reserved.
