From The Daily Dialogue
From The Daily Dialogue
Broadcast of 9/12/98
Subject: [DailyDialogue #255] Projected Listening
"When you feel frustrated and impatient waiting for someone to stop talking, remember that perhaps you are the cause for their incessant talking. Maybe they feel you aren't really listening and therefore haven't gotten their point yet, so they continue to try to convince you. And if they are not done talking, they are also not ready to listen . You should be in no hurry to speak, since what you say will fall on 'deaf ears' anyway." - Trond Sjovoll
I have years of practice at not listening to my parents. I find that the habits I developed as a child are difficult to change. Trond Sjovoll reminds me that if I do not give others the attention they need to feel heard, they will not be ale to hear what I have to say.
I notice that as I attempt to listen to my parents, my mind is filled with past knowledge and opinions about them The rebellious adolescent within me closes my mind to their ideas and insights. I find myself diverting my eyes, interrupting, not mirroring and not asking clarifying questions. Then I wonder why I get the same response when I am speaking and why I have the thought that I am being judged.
I am afraid that my Dad would never stop talking if I encouraged him by mirroring, validating and empathizing. Then, I am reminded about the part of me that is just like Dad, loving to talk, and I have a new respect for Marty's magnificent listening skills.
Experiment: Use Trond Sjovoll's "projected listing" technique and imagine there is a ping pong ball on a string from the tip of your nose to the tip of the speaker's nose. Listen by pushing the ping pong ball from your nose across to the speaker.
Affirmation: I am listening from my heart, creating a safe, receptive space, supporting the speaker in being all they are capable of becoming.
The Daily Dialogue is published each day of 1998 by e-mail. Copyright 1998, Eddy Brame and Marty Crouch, All rights reserved.
