From The Daily Dialogue
From The Daily Dialogue
Broadcast of 8/3/98
Subject: [DailyDialogue #213] The ADD Partner
"There are times when she reminds me, "You know, it can be a pain in the ass to be married to someone with ADD," and there are times she can get on my nerves as well. But in the main we are each other's best friend, and we love our children, as parents tend to do , with crazy devotion."
-- Edward Hallowell, M.D., Answers to Distraction
I don't self-identify as ADD. Some of my ADD friends nod knowingly when I say that, as if to suggest, "Sure Marty, you're just in denial." I do have some personal characteristics which are typical among people who call themselves ADD. I find that concentrating long enough to listen to a long statement is difficult. Paradoxically, I can get so absorbed in a task that I lose track of time and am very difficult to interrupt.
When I encountered the structured dialogue process, it was a minor miracle. The give and take that is inherent in speaking and mirroring, validating and empathizing provides the structure and activity that I need to succeed with my listening-impairment. It's a structure that helps me actively love my partner, by actually listening to her.
On the speaking side, I have a tendency to leave a lot to be guessed. My mind is usually ahead of my speaking and while Eddy finds it easy to talk at length and add lots of details.
Experiment: Practice varying the length and amount of detail that you add to your spoken paragraphs. Make the job of your listening partner easier and more interesting.
Affirmation: Our dialogue is perfected with practice. The Daily Dialogue is published each day of 1998 by e-mail. Copyright 1998, Eddy Brame and Marty Crouch, All rights reserved.
