From The Daily Dialogue
From The Daily Dialogue
Broadcast of 7/4/98
Subject: [DailyDialogue #183] Systems
In Bowen's theory, the marital union is the chief component of the family, and its maturity is key to the health of the entire system.
-- John Bradshaw, Family Secrets
With our visit to Maryhill Museum, we became curious about Sam Hill and his family. Sam apparently got on well with women, as his friendships with three women of society and his liaisons with two other women were identified.
The information about his nuclear family was sketchy. A picture of Mrs. Mary Hill and her daughter Mary offered no particular insight. Another picture, of son, Jim, was more interesting. According to the caption, Jim and his father had a strained relationship, persisting into adulthood. On one occasion, Sam purchased an expensive tract of land and offered it to his son. Apparently, Jim visited the tract and announced that he wanted nothing to do with it. According to the caption, Sam never understood why his son would spurn his gift.
As we look at families as systems, it's easier to understand the relationship of Sam and Jim. When parents are in conflict, family members tend to choose sides. Children commonly side with the parent who seems to be the underdog. Jim's actions towards his father appear to signal the distress in the family system.
It's common for children who signal system distress to become labeled as the one with a problem, or the "identified patient."
Experiment: Dialogue with your partner about your own family-of-origin and how you reacted to relationship your caregivers.
Affirmation: We are creating a health-affirming family system.
The Daily Dialogue is published each day of 1998 by e-mail. Copyright 1998, Eddy Brame and Marty Crouch, All rights reserved.
