From The Daily Dialogue
From The Daily Dialogue
Broadcast of 6/27/98
Subject: [DailyDialogue #176] More about Change
"To find fault is easy; to do better may be difficult." - Plutarch
A Swami goes to the Hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything". the Hot Dog vendor says sure and he does. He chooses that fattest, juiciest piece of meat and generously adorns it with condiments of every kind. The Swami gives the Hot Dog vendor $20 for the Hot Dog. The vendor puts the money in the till, says thank you and turns away. The Swami asks with a bit of frustration, " Where is my change?" To that the vendor responds "Change comes from within."
It is easy to say that our partner doesn't listen or understand. When we adopt this point of view, we want to prove ourselves right and we set out to collect evidence that supports our assumption. If we focus on what we can do to improve the relationship, our partner seems to miraculously change for the better.
Dr. Robert Rosenthall of Harvard University conducted an experiment designed to test how the belief of teachers affects students. In the experiment, the principal called in three teachers and told them, "we have concluded you are the three best teachers in the school. As a reward for your teaching excellence you are going to be given the brightest students."
They went back to their classes with renewed enthusiasm, commitment and patience. When a child was having difficulty grasping an idea, the teacher assumed the problem was in the teaching not the student and they adjusted their techniques accordingly. At the end of the school year the students led in the entire school district in grades in standardized testing. At that point, the principal explained to the teachers that the students and teachers had been randomly selected. This experiment held constant for everything except belief.
Experiment: Share with your partner one thing you are going to do today to support your relationship. When your partner shares their action step with you, believe that they will follow through or something better. When you notice your mate keeping their agreement, appreciate them.
Affirmation: I am doing my best and believing the best about others.
The Daily Dialogue is published each day of 1998 by e-mail. Copyright 1998, Eddy Brame and Marty Crouch, All rights reserved.
