From The Daily Dialogue
From The Daily Dialogue
Broadcast of 6/20/98
Subject: [DailyDialogue #168] Codependency
"Codependency has come to mean all things to all people. The term has virtually no meaning anymore because people use it for everything bad in relationships -- and some things that are good. ... The problem in our culture is that people have been labeled codependent for giving of themselves in truly constructive ways. ... Sure you can give too much in ways that harm the relationship and yourself. Does it really show dedication to tolerate a spouse's demanding or impolite behavior. No. This is not dedication. ... Having acknowledged the dangers of codependency, we still suggest that too many people are too self-centered, too much of the time, to experience the kind of relationship that they deeply desire."
-- Howard Markman, et.al. Fighting for Your Marriage. We have been differing recently about an issue which some might label dependency or codependency. It came up yesterday when I refused to suggest a wording for one of your sentences on the Daily Dialogue. (We read each other's daily contributions before they are distributed, to help reduce the number of errors that go out.) I've been overworking lately, and have no patience with questions that boil down to "would you please handle this for me?" I get selfish when I'm out of balance.
My hunch is that you really didn't want me to rewrite your sentence. Rather, you probably wanted more engagement, or presence, from me in the process of creating our joint project. You saw that I was hurried and distracted and wasn't satisfied with that sort of relating. It may be that sometimes when we ask for help, we really want connection.
Experiment: Dialogue with your partner about your desires for independence and dependence.
Affirmation: We experience dependability with ourselves and each other.
The Daily Dialogue is published each day of 1998 by e-mail. Copyright 1998, Eddy Brame and Marty Crouch, All rights reserved.
