From The Daily Dialogue
From The Daily Dialogue
Broadcast of 6/10/98
Subject: [DailyDialogue #160] Depression
Depression
"Telling a depressed person to cheer up is usually not helpful and may make it worse."
-- A DailyDialogue Reader
In addition to several other important symptoms, depression is usually accompanied by some amount of withdrawal from interaction and participation with other people. Donald L. Nathanson, MD, sees depression as a pattern of behavior arising out of a response to the shame affect. We characteristically respond to embarrassment, humiliation, and shame by lowering our eyes, slumping, turning aside, and withdrawing. Most of us have seen and felt the interpersonal bridge breaking down when our partner suddenly experiences an embarrassing or shameful event or thought. Depression can be seen as a constant state of withdrawal.
While I haven't read anything about dialogue and depression, I have a intuition that skillful dialogue will be helpful in relieving depression. There is no place in skillful dialogue for advice like: "cheer up," or "get over it." Rather, in dialogue, I hold a container open for my depressed partner. The container is ready to receive as much of their distress as they are willing to pour into it. The container holds their distress, attempts to make sense of it, and mirrors it. This practice gives a break, however short-lived, to the constant state of withdrawal that goes along with depression.
Experiment: Dialogue with your partner about your own experiences with depression.
Affirmation: We are dissolving our patterns of withdrawal.
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