From The Daily Dialogue
From The Daily Dialogue
Broadcast of 6/1/98
Subject: [DailyDialogue #151] Problem Solving
"The message from the moon...is that no problem need any longer be considered insoluble." - Norman Cousins
Problem solving is simply answering a question. When we recognize that there is a creative process for asking and answering questions, we are more likely to find a solution. Believing problems are soluble allows us to consider difficult issues.
John Gottman states that "most couples never resolve their major marital issues". He adds that "what seems to be important is whether or not a couple can establish a dialogue about their unresolvable problems".
I have a favorite process for dialoguing about problems that seem unresolvable. I have found that this process has supported Marty and me and many other couples in coming to a plan of action. Gottman states that if we can not establish a dialogue, the conflict becomes gridlocked, which leads to emotional disengagement.
Experiment: Use the following process to dialogue about an issue.
1) Brainstorm the question starting with what or how
2) Select the question to be answered
3) Establish the characteristics of the solution
4) Brainstorm answers to the question
5) Pick your top three solutions and share with your partner
6) Combine solutions and agree on wording
7) Develop a plan of action to carry our your solution
8) Agree on who will be responsible for which tasks
9) Establish a timeline to carry out each task
10) Agree on a date to evaluate the success of the plan
Affirmation: We are answering the questions in our relationship.
The Daily Dialogue is published each day of 1998 by e-mail. Copyright 1998, Eddy Brame and Marty Crouch, All rights reserved. To share this with a friend, encourage them to subscribe by visiting our website at http://dailydialogue.com/. You may also unsubscribe at the website.
