From The Daily Dialogue
From The Daily Dialogue
Broadcast of 5/22/98
Subject: [DailyDialogue #141] Converstation Styles
If you have a misunderstanding with another person, stop and ask yourself, 'Could it just be a difference in conversational style?'" - Deborah Tannen, Ph. D. In "You Just Don't Understand: Men and Women in Conversation", Deborah Tannen, a professor of linguistics at Georgetown University, addresses linguistic differences as they relate to intimate male/female relations.
Tannen claims that there are gender differences in ways of speaking, and we need to identify and understand them in order to avoid blaming "others or ourselves -- or the relationship -- for the otherwise mystifying and damaging
effects of our contrasting conversational styles" . She feels that "because boys and girls grow up in what are essentially different cultures...talk between
women and men is cross-cultural communication".
Tannen believes that women and men have different speech styles, and she defines the different speech styles as "rapport-talk" and "report-talk." Women in conversations use language for intimacy or rapport. Girls are socialized as children to believe that "talk is the glue that holds relationships together", so that as adults conversations for women are "negotiations for closeness in which people try to seek and give confirmation and support, and to reach consensus". Conversation is for community, the woman is an individual in a network of connections.
For men, conversations are for information or reporting. Men negotiate to maintain the upper hand in a conversation and protect themselves from others' perceived attempts to put them down. Boys learn in childhood to maintain relationships primarily through their activities.
Experiment: Dialogue about how you feel and what you think about Deborah Tannen's research.
Affirmation: I am focusing on understanding my mate.
The Daily Dialogue is published each day of 1998 by e-mail. Copyright 1998, Eddy Brame and Marty Crouch, All rights reserved. To share this with a friend, encourage them to subscribe by visiting our website at http://dailydialogue.com/. You may also unsubscribe at the website.
