From The Daily Dialogue
From The Daily Dialogue
Broadcast of 4/26/98
Subject: [DailyDialogue #116] Listening
"It is not fair to ask of others what you are unwilling to do yourself." - Eleanor Roosevelt
How often do we say, "you're not listening to me"? We know what it feels like when our partner is not listening, but are we willing to commit to do what it takes to fully hear and understand our partner?
The following is an adaptation of Gay and Kathlyn Hendricks' listening commitments.
- I commit to listening carefully enough that I can restate the content of what you have said without adding my point of view to it.
- I commit to listening to you free of criticism. (Criticism is defined as "finding fault, censuring, disapproving. ")
- I commit to listening to you free of evaluating either of us. (Evaluating is defined as "appraising, determining the worth of.")
- I commit to listening to you free of judging either of us as right or wrong, good or bad, smart or stupid.
- I commit to listening to you free of comparing us to each other or to anyone else. (Comparing is defined as "bringing things together to ascertain their differences and similarities.")
- I commit to listening you free from controlling your feelings, energies, or actions. (Controlling is defined as having authority over, directing, or commanding.")
Exercise: Read the above commitments out loud to your partner. Listener - practice mirroring you partner. Speaker - share how you are feeling about your relationship and an action step you plan to take to support your partnership this week.
Affirmation - I commit to listen.
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