From The Daily Dialogue
From The Daily Dialogue
Broadcast of 3/21/98
Subject: [DailyDialogue #80] Boundaries
"We would have broken up except for the children. Who were the children? Well, she and I were." - Mort Sahl
When there is a power imbalance in our relationships, one of us is playing the part of a child. As a child, our parents often blamed us for their feelings and actions, "You make me tired". We learned it was disrespectful to say no. We were taught that being paddled meant we were loved. As we learn to set healthy boundaries, we balance the power in our relationships and let go of unhealthy patterns we learned in childhood.
Unhealthy boundaries may involve having no boundaries or creating walls as boundaries. When we have no boundaries, we are enmeshed. We do not know when we are being abused or abusive. We have trouble saying no. We do not respect others rights to boundaries. We have trouble hearing our inner guidance. We expect others to know what we think, feel and want. We value others opinions more than our own and try to be like others to be liked. We blame others and make them responsible for our feelings thoughts and actions.
When we have walls as boundaries, we are disengaged. We use anger, fear, silence or words to keep people away. We avoid intimacy. With healthy boundaries, we take responsibility and recognize we are at choice. We create a mature relationship of two equals who nurture each others wholeness. We recognize that we responsible for our feelings thoughts and well-being. We give other people responsibility for their thoughts, feelings and actions. We let others behave in their own interest. We are able to balance giving and receiving.
Experiment: Dialogue with your partner about the healthy and unhealthy boundaries in your relationship.
Affirmation: I am nurturing the wholeness of myself and my partner.
The Daily Dialogue is published each day of 1998 by e-mail. Copyright 1998, Eddy Brame and Marty Crouch, All rights reserved. To share this with a friend, encourage them to subscribe by visiting our website at http://dailydialogue.com/. You may also unsubscribe at the website.
