From The Daily Dialogue
From The Daily Dialogue
Broadcast of 12/7/98
Subject: [DailyDialogue #335] Healthy Shame
"Functional families are created by parents who are in touch with their healthy shame. ...When we lose our healthy sense of shame, we lose our boundaries and our shame becomes toxic. We then try to be more than human (shameless) or less than human (shameful)." - John Bradshaw
John Bradshaw says that we are shameless when we think we are perfect, are controlling, seek power, see others as inferior and ourselves as superior, see ourselves as right, work excessively, criticize, blame and judge others.
We are shameful when we think we are a failure, get out of control, feel weak, think we are stupid, criticize and blame ourselves, behave in a way that does not honor ourselves, do not use our gifts and talents and feel inferior.
Healthy shame is to know that we have human limits, we make mistakes and we need help. We know and trust a higher power. We are truthful an we neither idealize nor degrade ourselves or others. John Bradshaw says that healthy shame is the "core of soulful love".
My history has taught me to err on the side of being shameless and Marty's upbringing taught him to be more shameful. I believe that awareness of this polarity helps us be more balanced as individuals. We have so much to learn from each other.
Experiment: Dialogue with your partner about where you stand on the continuum of shame.
Affirmation: I know that a power greater has brought my partner to me and I give thanks for all that I learn and teach in my relationship.
The Daily Dialogue is published each day of 1998 by e-mail. Copyright 1998, Eddy Brame and Marty Crouch, All rights reserved.
