From The Daily Dialogue
From The Daily Dialogue
Broadcast of 10/30/98
Subject: [DailyDialogue #302] Blame
"If you expect perfection from people, your whole life is a series disappointments, grumblings, and complaints" - Bruce Barton
When our dance instructor said I didn't have the right dance position for the Milonguera, I blamed Marty and said it was because his hands were weighting down my shoulders. Milonguero style is danced in a close embrace and epitomizes the essence of the tango connection, dancing with one heart and four feet.
The best way to sabotage connection is to blame our partner for not living up to our picture of perfection. I am not saying that our partner is beyond reproach. I am saying that if we want a relationship to last, we will refrain from criticizing and shaming our mate.
When I take this approach, miracles begin to happen and others begin to be accountable for themselves, rather than being forced to take a defensive position. When I take the parental role and try to control Marty, I am saying I don't think he has good judgment. This can result in a self-fulfilling prophecy in which I am over responsible and he is under responsible. When I see Marty as trustworthy, dependable and responsible, that's how he acts.
Just as damaging to the relationship, is my tendency to expect perfection from myself. It is a no win situation. I can take responsibility without blaming or punishing myself.
Experiment: Dialogue abut how you set things up for disappointment for yourself and others. Develop a plan of action to do something different in the future.
Affirmation: I am good enough.
The Daily Dialogue is published each day of 1998 by e-mail. Copyright 1998, Eddy Brame and Marty Crouch, All rights reserved.
