From The Daily Dialogue
From The Daily Dialogue
Broadcast of 10/29/98
Subject: [DailyDialogue #301] Courage to Connect
"With the people we love, we always have to survive a never-ending process of connecting and disconnecting. In relationships, we come together, move apart, and then come together again. Monday morning arrives and the couple who spent the idyllic weekend together is pulled apart by the real world. What will each of the partners be thinking and feeling when they are separated by their independent lives? … Will the necessary period of disconnection be emotionally uneventful or will it be filled with intense and anxiety, jealousy, or obsessive longing?
Men and women with commitment issues almost invariably experience serious difficulty handling connection and disconnection in an appropriate way. Often they attempt to shortcut the process or get around it entirely. Sometimes they form intimate bonds that seem as instantaneous as they are inappropriate. Other times, they erect enormous boundaries that keep their partners up in the air and prevent real bonds from forming."
Steven Carter, Getting to Commitment
In Getting to Commitment, Steven writes about his years of struggles with his own fears of connecting with a partner. In an attempt to help others face their demons, he enumerates eight challenges to be faced in order to be willing commit and marry. He says that the eight challenges are overcome by having the courage to:
1. Stop Blaming
2. Say Goodbye to Your Ghosts
3. Find and Fight for the Self
4. Stay Grounded in Reality
5. Allow Yourself to be Known
6. Learn the Lessons of Acceptance
7. Define a New Path
8. Handle Your Anxieties.
Many of us will have struggled with several of these challenges.
As a child, I remember climbing out my bedroom window to play in order to avoid interacting with my family. It wasn't so much that I feared getting in trouble. It was more that I just didn't want to talk about my plans or answer questions.
I still have difficulties with goodbyes, and with sharing my story with others.
Experiment: Dialogue with your partner about your biggest challenge in allowing yourself to truly connect.
Affirmation: Our fears of connection are replaced with peace and calm as we reveal ourselves.
The Daily Dialogue is published each day of 1998 by e-mail. Copyright 1998, Eddy Brame and Marty Crouch, All rights reserved.
