From The Daily Dialogue
From The Daily Dialogue
Broadcast of 10/27/98
Subject: [DailyDialogue #300] Apologizing
"The bitterest tears shed over graves are for words left unsaid and deeds left undone." - Harriet Beecher Stowe
Harriet Beecher Stowe was an American abolitionist writer who wrote "Uncle Tom's Cabin". She was determined to speak out about her regret over the injustice of slavery. In relationships, words of apology and acknowledgment for things we have said or done are powerful tools.
An apology is not helpful if it is used to keep our partner from sharing their feelings of hurt. It is important first to mirror their frustration and validate their feelings and thoughts. After demonstrating warmth, genuineness and empathy for our partner's point of view, we can apologize by taking responsibility for our part of the problem.
A true apology involves accountability and an agreement to change. Recently, I gave notice in a small meeting about my leaving my place of employment. Later, I realized that it would have been more sensitive to my employer and manager to talk with them individually before the meeting. I admitted my fault and we were able to turn the page on the past with a fresh start in our relationships.
Experiment: Dialogue with your partner about whether one of you apologizes more than the other. Do you use apologies to take responsibility and promote change or to make an excuse and escape the issue? Practice apologizing by saying, "I apologize. It wasn't right for me to... In the future I will..." Kiss and make up by giving a gift, sharing an evening out or taking a walk.
Affirmation: I am saying the words that need to be said and doing the deeds that need to be done to create lasting relationships.
The Daily Dialogue is published each day of 1998 by e-mail. Copyright 1998, Eddy Brame and Marty Crouch, All rights reserved.
