From The Daily Dialogue
From The Daily Dialogue
Broadcast of 10/19/98
Subject: [DailyDialogue #281] More on Commitment Fears
"The fear of commitment is not a simple fear. It's a complex collection of anxieties, worries, and concerns, and it varies in composition and intensity from person to person. This means that for each of us our struggle with commitment is a reflection of our own unique blend of 'anxiety stew.' "
-- Steven Carter and Julia Sokol, He's Scared, She's Scared
Carter and Sokol separated fears of committing to partnership into four main categories. These were:
1. Narcissistic fears that she won't be perfect enough or that I won't live up to her standards of perfection.
2. Claustrophobic fears of loss of freedom, being bored, or limited, losing control or individuality
3. Universal human fears such as loss of a dream, becoming a real adult, dying, losing a loved one, becoming too dependent, or being truly known.
4. Circumstantial fears that arise because of a unique personal history, such as fear of making another mistake, making things worse, loss of money or lifestyle.
These are sensible fears that most people experience to some degree. Each of the fears alone may not be overwhelming, but if we experience them in combination, it may create a sort of "emotional tangle" that may be more than we can handle.
Experiment: Dialogue with your partner about your own specific fears of commitment in the categories above.
Affirmation: Our fears are comforted as we reveal them.
The Daily Dialogue is published each day of 1998 by e-mail. Copyright 1998, Eddy Brame and Marty Crouch, All rights reserved.
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