From The Daily Dialogue
From The Daily Dialogue
Broadcast of 10/10/98
Subject: [DailyDialogue ##278] Mystification
Mystification - "the destructive identity confusion that results when we become acceptable to others only by denying our own truth" - John Bradshaw
Relationships at times seem to defy comprehension. When we deny the truth about our own identity and that of our partner, confusion results. When we recognize the stages of relationship, we can understand how we experience identity confusion in relationships.
John Bradshaw defines the first stage of intimacy as oceanic and co-dependent. During this time, we put our best foot forward and our partner doesn't see the other foot because they are blinded by love. Smoke gets in our eyes and we idealize our mate.
The second stage he calls the fires of separation , the power struggle and counter-dependence. This is when we begin to see that our partner picks his nose. We see that all the things we did not like about our parents seem to be manifested in our mate. We often degrade them and are degraded ourselves. We see their character as less than who they are. If we don't work through this stage, the relationship often ends in divorce.
the fourth stage is the cooling waters of coagulation. It is a stage of independence when we begin to reimage our partner and ourselves realistically. The fifth stage is conjunction-polarity when we can see the characteristics about our partner that we are most attracted to, those we are least attracted to and together we become inter-dependent co-creators.
Experiment: List the traits of your partner as you see him or her. List your own traits. Then, compare lists and dialogue about significant differences.
Affirmation: We are becoming more aware of our soul's identity.
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