From The Daily Dialogue
From The Daily Dialogue
Broadcast of 8/27/98
Subject: [DailyDialogue #239] Emotions
"I've heard that there's a sequence of feelings involved with anger, and that they generally follow each other in a predictable pattern. I think shame is one of the latter feelings - shame for having lost one's composure."
- A Daily Dialogue Reader
In 1987, I read a book my divorce mediator recommended, "The Intimate Enemy" by George Bach and Peter Wyden. I learned that anger is not the opposite of love. We feel angry because we believe that someone we care about has injured, rejected, humiliated, criticized, manipulated, interfered with or exploited us. The opposite of anger is apathy not love.
In 1991, I attended a week long training in Brief Relationship Therapy
with Gaye and Kathlyn Hendricks. I learned that "telling the truth is the strongest aphrodisiac on earth". I learned that telling the microscopic truth when we experience a problem involves 1) sharing my physical sensations, 2) labeling my feelings and 3) answering the question "how is this familiar from my past?"
In 1993, I went to a weekend workshop with John Gray where I l was taught that what we can feel, we can heal. John demonstrated the Love Letter process for getting in touch with the love that is underneath anger. The steps were 1)I feel angry..., 2) I feel sad..., 3) I feel afraid... and 4) I feel ashamed...
In 1997, I attended a two day John Gottman workshop called "A Scientifically-Based Marital Therapy". John said that when we are angry, we are not automatically afraid. I have incorporated all of this information with my own experience. The result of using the love letter to process my own emotions in sequence several times every week, helps me get to understanding, forgiveness, gratitude and love.
Experiment: Dialogue about your experience with emotions and their connection to each other.
Affirmation: I am expressing all of my emotions in a healthy, balanced manner.
The Daily Dialogue is published each day of 1998 by e-mail. Copyright 1998, Eddy Brame and Marty Crouch, All rights reserved.
